After 8 months of living in Egypt, I can say somewhere around month 7 I realized that I was adapting more and more of the culture around me.
Riding on the metro a few weeks ago I realized that I was now staring at the foreigners on the train rather than being the one stared at. While waiting in the customs lines in the airport (I took a quick business trip to Amman, Jordan for a few days), I was asked twice if I was "masyrain" (egyptian) because I was responding in arabic to the conversations around me. (No my arabic is not that good yet, but I am able to understand about half of what is being said in simple conversations and respond with a few broken phrases with an Egyptian accent apparently :-). Although my skin, eye and hair color all are dead giveaways to my true genealogy, I can tell my mannerisms, thought process, dress style and minuscule habits are beginning to reflect the society around me.
It is sometimes a struggle to find the balance between the culture I was raised in and the new culture. Sometimes habits, values, or ideas need to be reinforced, discarded, or replaced. Though sometimes, it is just plain missing some piece of home. :-)
Here are some examples...
Inshallah....translated it means something close to "if God is willing". If you are asked by a friend to meet for coffee later that night (plans are rarely made more than a few hours in advance, most of the time they are made in the moment), the appropriate response is inshallah. Will you be at work tomorrow...inshallah. I asked my roommate for rent this morning...the response...I will be paid this afternoon inshallah. This phrase is used for just about every occasion, but more than just a lofty ideal it is a realistic part of life here. Sometimes it is used just to avoid commitment to an event or not wanting to ever give a negative response to someone. But more and more I am realizing that the lack of efficiency in systems tends to feed this idea of "inshallah". My roommate wasn't using it as an excuse today, sometimes she receives her paycheck on the 1st, and sometimes on the 15th, or sometime in between, depending on when the manager, finance person, etc all happen to get around to preparing the checks. As an American I find myself saying...it is my right for this or that...and then I realize I have no rights here (okay maybe a few since I hold a US passport, but even that is limited in its reaches). The options are for me to cling to my "rights" or learn that "rights" don't get things done here. They only get done in God's timing, and if it is not God's timing then what can a person do about it (this is a strong opinion here in Egypt).
So along with the attitude..."inshallah"...comes another piece..."mafeesh mish kella"...no problem or no worries...kind of like the Lion Kings "akoona matada". In order to survive without pulling your hair out, or having daily arguments with every social encounter you have, it is necessary to adapt a somewhat "mafeesh mish kella" attitude. The easy thing to do is become quite complacent then. "inshallah" and "mafeesh mish kella" do not really work well with the overachieving, goal oriented American society. So how do I as a person of both cultures now learn how to blend the best of these societies into my own lifestyle now.
Sometimes it is the simple things like greetings that make me homesick. Coming from a small town in Kansas where the front door is only used for strangers (even the UPS guy/gal delivers to the back door) and everyone except strangers are greeted with a hug, I grew up a "hugger" :-). I know about half my friends in St. Louis shudder at the thought of hugging someone in greeting, but it is a habit that runs deep in me. Here however any PDA (public displays of affection) are unacceptable between opposite sexes. Greetings between girls are usually two/four air kisses on the cheeks, between guys sometimes a brief hug or the air kisses, and occasionally you will see a limp handshake between a guy in girl during an introduction (ooops I can't tell you how many hands I have wrangled with my firm business handshake out of habit). So I miss my "American hug" greeting as my friends here have come to call it. My closest friends have adapted to it for me and I have adapted the greetings of Italy and Germany for my roommates :-) into my routine for them.
The hardest one for me though is the "I'm sorry" difference. My friend and I were laughing the other day because after a disagreement we were apologizing. I responded with "I forgive you" as I was taught growing up, and they responded with "words are not enough show me with your actions" as they were taught. Now before you are offended at one or both of these responses, you should understand that my response provoked the same reaction from them, that their response provoked in me. We both viewed the responses as being very arrogant. We were both familiar with the differences in the cultures prior to this exchange so we were able to laugh about it, but although I know and understand this element in the culture, I struggle to see past what I think is arrogance to the heart of the matter, especially since "I'm sorry" is not usually used in pleasant emotional situations already.
Daily the realization becomes stronger in me that the more I adapt to this culture and way of life, the more I will not fit when I return back to the states. Currently I am trying to decide where to call home for the next year or so, but the more I look at my options the more I realize no matter where I am, I will just not quite fit anymore.
There are strong points and weak points to any society and culture...living here in Egypt has definitely brought a new dimension to my life and who I am...
